Enchanted Silence: Move Forward from the Letting Go of a Relationship and Start Life Fresh Again

In Enchanted Silence, Shivani is in a relationship with her investment banker fiancé Shaan.  I don’t want to give away the details, her relationship unravels with him when he cheats on her and afterwards, she is faced with the task of processing her pain and moving forward. 

Move forward and start life fresh again from the unraveling of a relationship

Move forward and start life fresh again from the unraveling of a relationship

There are many reasons for why a relationship unravels and when it does, it is a clear sign to let go of the relationship and start life fresh again.  To move forward.

As I’ve mentioned several times, Enchanted Silence is very, very inspired from my own life.  I identify with the main character and there are strong elements of my personality I infused in Shivani.  In my own life, I had to let go of a significant relationship.  It took me time, around two years, to move forward.

I can tell you healing takes time and requires deep reflection and inner work.  It requires major shifts from the inside in order for these changes to be truly life-changing and transformative in your external world.  

It means forgiving yourself big time for what you did do or didn’t do or said or didn’t say.  I remember repeating certain events and things I said over and over in my head about my past relationship.

For my healing process to truly occur, I had to dig deep within and ask myself: What fears are triggered from my letting go of this relationship?  What beliefs did I carry from this relationship?  What stories do I keep telling myself about men and romantic relationships?

The answers to these questions astounded me.  After some deep digging internally, I came up with:

I felt I wouldn’t be able to let go of my relationship or that I shouldn’t because it meant I wasn’t successful at relationships or am a good person.  I also believed that having been with this person for four years, it had to stand for something.  That if I worked harder, then this relationship would work.  I deserved this…to be with a man who couldn’t love me the way I deeply desired to be loved or be committed to.

The story I kept telling myself was that I wouldn’t be able to move forward and start life fresh again.  That I wouldn’t be able to find someone again.  That I couldn’t have a healthy relationship filled with emotional and sexual intimacy and richness. 

Just by writing all this, I can feel my heart and my body respond.  These beliefs have clearly been embedded emotionally and energetically in my body and playing out in my life.

Now try this:  What new story do I desire to tell myself about men and romantic relationships?  What does this new story say about my worth?  What needs to be accepted, loved, and integrated into my full self?  What is an action step(s) I can take to make this story real?

The new story I’d like to tell myself: I absolutely deserve and am worthy of such a magnificent, wonderful, support man in my life.  That I have sacred union with him and have a beautiful, healthy relationship that is filled with beauty, grace, forgiveness, trust, and lots and lots of sexiness.  I am worthy of this and welcoming tremendous amounts of love and abundance into my life and our relationship is  a reflection of this deep richness.  And I too, am a sexy, beautiful, marvelous woman.

I must accept that I’m not perfect always.  That I can be stubborn at times.  That I’ve made mistakes and have not loved myself completely which reflected in my relationship with myself and romance.  I forgive myself for all this and starting this very moment, I love myself wholly and even love myself during all the moments I didn’t feel entirely beautiful and whole.  I am enough for who I am.

The action step I can take to make this story real is to put myself in the dating scene again and meet men and as I move through this process, I feel genuinely whole and enough as I am right now.  And that I can pursue my passions and have fun and feel deep joy in my own life by going for massages, festivals, meeting friends, and doing everything I love to do that makes me me.

As you can see here, I took it upon to change the story to a new story with new beliefs that serve me and support me as I move forward in starting life fresh again.  As I wrote this, I literally felt my body and energy changing to the words.  It was transformative!  And of course, this was simply a glimpse into the process.  There is more deep inner work to do.

There are some beautiful sensual and intuitive practices to combine with this that will support you to facilitate your transformation process faster.

Sensual Practices:  Create a sacred self-pleasure ritual where you connect to your soul through your sexuality and allow more pleasure into your life.  This practice is customized to whatever you’d like it to be.  The whole point is to have an intention and do this daily as a way to deeply love yourself and become more acquainted to your womanhood.  You can go for massages and dress up in ways that make you feel feminine, soft, and sexy in your day-to-day life, not just parties or special events.  Again, do what makes you feel like a sexy, beautiful woman.

Intuitive Practices:  Process all your feelings and fears and even excitement that arises about starting life fresh again.  Write daily in your journal.  Keep it handy when you go to work or by your bed.  Allow yourself to cry and laugh freely and when and as you wish.  Become crystal clear how you’d like to feel in your new life and whether that includes moving forward with a new relationship or you wish to simply spend time with yourself.

Are you in a similar situation?  Are you looking to move forward again?  Would you like to heal your wounds and become a brand new transformed woman?

If this post resonated with you and you’d like to move forward and start life fresh again from a relationship’s unraveling, please get in touch with me and schedule time with me to become more Wildly intimate with your desires and goals.  I’d love to hold space for your own deep transformation, dear Wildly Intimate Woman.

 

 

Image source: pearlz-n-lace.tumblr.com

{Exclusive Invitation} Wildly Intimate 1:1 Mentoring Personalized Just For You

Through out my deep unraveling process the past two years, I’ve noticed how I’ve become better at riding the peaks and valleys in my journey.  I feel I’m an entirely different person now.  I am wildly intimate with my body, soul, mind, and heart. 

Private 1:1 Mentoring to Meet Your Wildly Intimate Woman

Private 1:1 Mentoring to Meet Your Wildly Intimate Woman

It doesn’t that mean I don’t continue to work on myself.  It does mean that who I am today reflects who I truly am from deep inside.  I embody my soul’s truth in a more authentic way.

In the two years, I’ve let go of an intense relationship that was holding me back, changed multiple jobs to one I love, moved out of my family home to my first own place, let go of sexual past trauma, healed my childhood wounds, have better relationships with my family (especially my parents), learned to forgive myself and others, cultivated trust with myself, built a long-lasting relationship with intuition, and became a magical manifestor.

I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t recognize myself.  I’m not perfect.  I have my fears and insecurities still.  I don’t run away from them anymore.  I face them completely and love myself entirely, even when I’m not in my not so best moments.  Even when I don’t feel proud of myself.  I also care for my body and health much more.  I now have balance in my life.

I’ve learned a lot throughout this process and I am excited to share all I learned with you.  This is why I’d like to extend a personal exclusive invitation to work with me 1:1.  I’d love to hold space for you and your desires in your own journey so you can meet your own Wildly Intimate Woman and look her in the eyes in the mirror with pride, love, and sensuality and embody your own truth.

I’d love to support you and facilitate your own transformation and allow yourself to see with (sometimes confronting) clarity all the ways you are magnificent, beautiful, and glorious.

Would you like to:

  • Move forward from the letting go of a relationship and start life fresh again
  • Be more real, raw, and vulnerable and feel all your emotions, no matter how intense.
  • Cultivate a stronger relationship with your intuition so you can hear your inner guidance with clarity
  • Invite more magic and money into your life by letting go of limiting beliefs
  • Move to the next chapter of your life by honoring your past and navigating your current transition with ease and flow
  • Become more comfortable with the uncomfortable and take chances again
  • Feel deep love and intrigue for your own life and manifest romantic love and your Beloved into your life
  • Connect with your erotic, sensual woman and become in touch with your wildly deep feminine sexuality and softness

It could be any of these reasons or more.  You can work with me 1:1 for five months where we’ll look at all the areas of your life and set a crystal clear intention.  We’ll tap into your sensuality and intuition and weave this into the magical, direct action-oriented masculine energy that drives you forward by laying a foundation with tangible step-by-step processes, and establish a feminine, nourishing deep self-care practice that allows you to soften and receive more love, abundance, and miracles into your life.

This is a powerful, wildly intimate experience you will share with me one-on-one and dive deep into your soul to uncover your truth alongside practical wisdom and guidance to show up more fully in your life and meet your Wildly Intimate Woman.

Click here to arrange a Wildly Intimate Discovery Session and to arrange your private mentoring times.  I’d love to hear from you and see if we’re the right fit.

 

 

Image source: cantiknya.tumblr.com

By |2017-04-01T17:23:59+00:00April 1st, 2017|Transformation|0 Comments

My Bombay Adventure: (Part 5) Reflections and The Soul Lessons I Learned

I’m finally getting to the final installment for My Bombay Adventure series!  As you know, I started working on the deep self-inquiry and exploration on connecting to my Wildly Intimate Woman instead (the 10-part series is here if you’d like to read more about it).

My reflections and learnings from visiting film and television sets in Bombay, India

My reflections and learnings from visiting film and television sets in Bombay, India

For some reason, I found myself not wanting to complete the fifth part of My Bombay Adventure.  I think I feel this way because writing this series has officially helped me to process the whole experience and look at it from a fresh perspective because today I’m older and more mature since the time I embarked on this adventure.

Also, I’ve spoken about my adventures in Bombay to close friends and especially my family.  I have so many memories from this one month adventure that I feel like I actually spent a year in Bombay!  Yet at the same time, I’ve glossed over some things then and the lessons and learnings I gained from this experience.

As I’m writing this, I realize what I’m truly afraid of and deliciously excited about.  Processing this experience and fully understanding and feeling the learnings of it will mean I must gracefully put it behind me.  Leave it in the past and look back at it from time to time fondly and more importantly, release the attachment to it and move forward.  

Moving forward means I continue to evolve and let my soul grow and expand through other experiences.  This means wholeheartedly accepting and embracing the unknown.  It is scary because I don’t know what unfolds next, yet I do feel super excited about it.

So here goes.  Here are my reflections and golden learnings from my Bombay Adventure:

Release Attachment to the End Result/Outcome

I went to Bombay for two reasons.  To have a vacation and enjoy myself as a young girl exploring a new country on her own.  It was to feed my curiosity of what Bombay is really like.  Is it really like what is shown in the movies?  There has been this fantasy about it in my mind for years.  And that is the reason I voiced to my family and friends and strangers when discussing this experience and WHY I went there.

There was another reason why I traveled there.  A reason just as important, if not more.  Since I was a child, I knew I would be connected to film and media and the inner workings of this industry.  I really have no idea why I know this, it’s just this deep knowing that rests in my body and subconscious.  Even today, I know I’ll be connected to Bombay and films at some point in my life.  When?  How?  I have no idea.

I was getting bored working in my office job at the time even though I truly loved working at Yahoo!, but I couldn’t see myself doing this always.  There has always been a gypsy, wild free spirit in me and I knew I’d earn a living working in films.  So I went with the expectation that something concrete would result from it.  A major breakthrough and turning point in my life.

The interesting and funny thing is it practically happened.  It would’ve become a reality.  Perhaps I’d become an actress.  A writer.  Perhaps both.  What I have learned is that it’s almost scarier to have your desires and dreams become realized because it means your whole life transforms and changes.  It means you have to be fully committed.  It also means that you are worthy and deserving of the experience.

And here is where the disconnect occurred.  I started to feel not worthy and wondered why I could deserve this experience easily.

Hence it is important to realize that your soul is leading the way and that desires come to you and are realized for a reason.  It is for your soul’s expansion and growth.  Embrace the desire and release attachment to the outcome and let it unfold the way it wishes.

And when your desire is being realized right before your eyes?  Never ever question it.  Simply accept and embrace it as the gift it is from your soul and the Universe.

Embracing the Vulnerability of Being Visible

Through this series, I wrote how I started to become more visible as I visited film and television sets and studios.  I met with directors, producers, cameramen, actors, actresses, etc.  That meant they saw me.  It meant I was being pushed from my self-made cave and being seen by them.  It made me feel vulnerable.  I also felt amazing energy of excitement and thrill at the same time.

I didn’t entirely realize it at the time, but the only way to receive opportunities and grow was to be more visible.  For my soul’s gifts to be truly expressed, I would have to allow myself to be seen and accept the vulnerability that came with it.  And that I was worthy of being seen.

It’s deeply vulnerable to be seen because you fear you will be judged or criticized or not liked.  I compare it to falling in love.  Falling in love is both a divinely beautiful process, but also terrifying.  Because it can go either way.  

The reason why we fall in love though is to be more connected to our souls through each other and because of the possibility that it MAY work out beautifully and happily.  The same goes for allowing yourself to be seen. 

Allowing Myself to be Seen as a Woman

As I mentioned in my earlier installments of this series, I received a lot of masculine attention.  Many men I met either directly expressed or subtly hinted that I was beautiful and charming.  This attention threw me off guard.  I was surprised by it.

I didn’t grow up feeling pretty and attractive.  In fact, it was quite the other way.  I was teased for my weight and other girls around me received attention.  So it definitely came as a pleasant surprise that for once I was at the receiving end of this masculine energy and attention.

I enjoyed it and I believe I possessed a very innocent, delicate beauty because I was unaware and unassuming about my external beauty.  This was the starting point in my life where I started to allow myself to be seen as a woman and be in that nurturing, soft, alluring space of receiving and in flow.  

It’s what would define in coming years how I would behave and respond and be as a woman in romance and relationships.

Drawing Boundaries and Honoring Them (+ Standing Up For Myself)

This Bombay trip also hugely tested my having a strong sense of boundaries and honoring my needs first and foremost.  This played out in two distinct events, standing up for myself to the girls who moved in with me initially at the guest house and when the television actor made an outrageous pass at me.

I didn’t stand up for myself completely in both instances, though I definitely tried with the two girls who moved in with me at the guest house.  I was too much in shock to do anything with the television actor who made an outrageous pass at me.  Looking back, I should’ve stood up for myself with him and honored my space because he was clearly not honoring it, instead of blaming myself for his actions.

Even though I didn’t do it then, a seed started to grow within me.  For many years, through romantic relationships and friendships, I still didn’t entirely honor my boundaries.  It’s only when I look back today, I realize the importance of doing this.

It’s important to ALWAYS put my needs and desires first and honor them.  And that it is a great act of self-love to draw boundaries and express them openly.  It’s something I’m a lot better at now and continuing to grow in.

The Delicate Dance Between Feminine and Masculine Energy & Manifesting My Heartfelt Desires

Going back to manifesting desires again.  There is a dance that occurs between masculine and feminine energy and striving for a balance is what ultimately manifests your heartfelt desires into reality.

The feminine energy is creativity, beauty, and intuition.  It moves like water and it flows and receives.  Masculine energy is direct, action-oriented, and structured.  The masculine penetrates and leads the feminine, whereas the feminine is open and allows herself to receive the masculine energy and holds space for it.

When I made the decision to fly to Bombay for this adventure, I internally created a shift.  I created space within to let this desire simmer in me.  Because it was a heartfelt desire, there was a strong physical sensation in my body and I received this energy (thereby immersing in my feminine energy).

From this space, I stayed in the present moment and took action (thereby acting on my masculine energy) and contacted the program and organizers and bought my plane ticket and arranged all the details for my trip.

This dance is something I do every time I now want to manifest a heartfelt desire of mine.

Understanding the Difference Between Reality and Fantasy

Lastly, the last lesson I learned from trip was to stay rooted in reality and the present moment.  There is a mystical, fantasy element in the world of films and media.  Everything is an illusion.  We all in our normal day to day lives play with this fantasy and reality energy and elements constantly.  In essence, we each play multiple roles, wearing different masks, as we go throughout our own lives.

Having a strong connection to my intuition will cause me to see and feel things and sensations before they actually occur.  I can feel when something is about to come to me.

But I can also delude myself into thinking something that isn’t there at times because I’m not rooted in reality.  The people I met and the sets I visited were real and they were magical experiences, but I cannot let other people’s perceptions of me get in the way of my own self-worth and continue to live my life in an authentic manner and turn inwards for my sense of peace, stability, and joy.

It’s wonderful and magical to play with your dreams and desires and fantasies, but remember to always stay rooted in your body and reality and LIVE AND FEEL JOY in the present moment because your inner world is what brings you peace and wisdom and will reflect in your external world.

What are your thoughts on this last installment of My Bombay Adventure series?  Have you also learned similar soul lessons?  What were the learnings and lessons in your experience?  Please share with me, I love to hear from you!

Deep Self-Inquiry on Connecting to My Wildly Intimate Woman: 10. Sacred Union

Wildly Intimate Sacred Union: Merging my Feminine and Masculine

Wildly Intimate Sacred Union: Merging my Feminine and Masculine

Sacred Union is the higher state of the divine masculine and divine feminine being merged and united into one.  Sacred Union occurs between two souls and lovers who become one and their divine masculine and divine feminine unite and elevate them into a higher state of love, compassion, romance, and surrender.

Similarly, everyone has a masculine and feminine energy within them.  Yin and yang.  Dark and light.  Light and shadow.  Throughout this exploration, we have focused on connecting to our sensuality, erotic woman, and divine feminine, while at the same time tapping into our masculine energy to take action, drive our soul’s master plan and destiny, and move forward with a gentle trust.

As this is the last pillar and wraps up my Wildly Intimate Deep Self-Inquiry and Exploration, I asked myself these questions and dove deep into my soul and heart to receive the answers my Wildly Intimate Woman wanted me to know.

DO:  What is masculine energy?  How does this masculine energy dance with my feminine energy?  What are the results and outcome of this deep self-inquiry?  How sexy do I become?  How happy and fulfilled do I become?  How comfortable do I become with the uncomfortable?  How do I allow myself to be seen and visible more in the Universe?

How do I welcome more love and abundance into my life?  How creative do I become?  How erotic and sensual do I become?  Who is my Wildly Intimate Woman?  How does she feel?  What does she do?  How does she transform? 

What does my Wildly Intimate Woman want to release, embrace, honor, manifest, and change in the following areas: MONEY, LOVE, SEX/DESIRE, HOME, HEALTH (Spiritual, Emotional, Physical), CREATIVE IDEAS, CAREER/JOB, FAMILY/FRIENDS, SELF-CARE.

Embracing Masculine Energy

I know so much about feminine energy, so I wanted to explore what masculine energy is and how it fits with my feminine energy.  To me, masculine energy is about pure strength and generosity.  About providing support from a place of love and kindness.  It’s being direct and aggressive and yet deeply vulnerable and emotional and sensitive.  This energy is straightforward and decisive.

Divine masculine energy is a leader.  It does what is best for its highest good and yet takes the highest good and interest of others, too.  It is competitive and possessive and magnetic and incredibly sexy.  It is deep, real, honest, and realistic.  Divine masculine energy takes ownership and accepts its flaws and supports the feminine energy.  Thus feminine energy must be open, surrendering, and deeply trusting and receptive.

The Results and Outcome of Becoming More Wildly Intimate

I felt more wildly intimate and connected to my body’s wisdom, soul’s messages, heart’s desires and feelings, and my mind’s belief system and thoughts.  I learned and explored the deep connection between my mind, body, heart, and soul and learned to embody more of who I want and desire to be.

I’ve manifested deep love, peace, abundance (including financial), and joy into my life.  On a deeper level, I’ve begun to truly embody my wildly intimate energy and be Priyanka Yadvendu and be magnetic in my energetic flow.

I feel way sexier.  Some of this as been through outward external actions like buying and wearing lingerie, garter belt, makeup, dresses, perfume that helped me to embody my Wildly Intimate Woman on a physical level.  Yet it’s a deeper feeling than that.  I feel naturally very sexy in my own body now.  Sometimes, I now stare at myself in the mirror and feel exquisitely beautiful.  I feel like an erotic Goddess and revel in my uniqueness.  

I’ve also become comfortable with the uncomfortable.  It feels easier to move out of my comfort zone because I know this is where my true transformation and growth is as a Wildly Intimate Woman.  I’ve leaned into my bold and fierce and sensual and sexy energy.  I’ve accepted my flaws and body the way I am and my fantasies and even my darkness.  I allow myself to be quirky and intriguing and mysterious.

I allow myself to be soft, bold, sexy, vulnerable, and feminine.  I allow myself to be soft and passive, and yet honor my boundaries.  I allowed my book Enchanted Silence to be seen and I reached out to book clubs and finally added the link on my website for viewers and readers to buy my book.  This is something that I had been avoiding for some time because deep down I was scared of putting myself out there.  

I receive masculine energy and support with joy and let men gaze and admire me and hold space for me.  I feel worthy for simply being myself and my deep inner and outer beauty.  In terms of my self-pleasure practice, I’ve also surrendered and given myself permission to fully express myself through all my senses and wildly deep feminine sexuality.

Sharpening My Manifesting Skills By Embodying My Wildly Intimate Woman

Becoming and embodying my Wildly Intimate Woman energy has honed and sharpened my manifesting skills and knowledge.  I’ve appreciated what I have and seen abundance in that.  I’ve become deeply present because in true real rooted presence, fears are not there and joy takes their place.

I’ve manifested the perfect decorations and furniture for my apartment, more money, sexual energy, masculine attention and support, raise at work (yay!), creative ideas for my Wildly Intimate business, the perfect money coach to work with, and even clients who wish to work with me 🙂

Through my journaling, release rituals, and sensuality and self-pleasure practice and rituals, my creativity has blossomed.  Through moments of stillness and space in my life by doing what brings me joy like napping, meditating, cooking, writing, reading, yoga, aimless driving and walking, and being in nature, I receive visions and flashes of creative ideas, books/blogs and resources to tap into for insight and knowledge, all the while feeling guided and supported to let my Wildly Intimate business prosper and bring clients to me who want to work with me.

Who is My Wildly Intimate Woman?

My Wildly Intimate Woman is the woman who merges her divine feminine, sexuality, intuition, and manifesting powers to become wildly intimate with every part of her being (mind, body, heart, and soul).  She is the Queen and Diva and Sensualist who revels in her sexuality, erotic power and magical intuition, and even in her vulnerability.  She has deep strength and honors her boundaries and sovereignty, and yet has compassion for herself and others.

She dresses in feminine, soft dresses and fabrics, and wears kohl on her deep brown eyes that cause them to sparkle like beautiful twinkling diamonds.  Her lips have nude lip gloss and light blush on her cheeks.  Her coffee brown skin is flawless and glowing.  Her flowing curly long hair is let loose falling on her shoulders, other times, it is gently wrapped up in a sexy bun.  

She adorns herself with simple jewelry (earrings, rings, necklace) that make an elegant statement.  She is fiercely sexy and her eye’s gaze is seductive and vulnerable.  She moves her body with grace.  This woman is me.  And I’ve decided to embody more of her energy on a physical, emotional, and mental level every moment.

How does she feel?  Well, she has emotional depth and feels all her emotions deeply and accepts them unapologetically.  She lets the emotions move through her body like the waves of the ocean and bring her messages of inner guidance and sparks of intuition from her soul.  She transforms by making peace with her past and releasing it, so she can bring her focus and full energy and presence in the moment in front of her to feel, be, and do as she desires in the moment in front of her.

She transforms by giving herself the gift of freedom to be wild and intimate and most of all, facilitates her own transformation.  Ultimately, she takes ownership and responsibility for herself and her life and actions.

And lastly, here is what my Wildly Intimate Woman wants to release, embrace, honor, manifest, and change in the following areas:

MONEY:  Let go of her past and old beliefs surrounding money, especially beliefs she’s picked up in her childhood and from family.  She wants to enjoy money and see money as a way to fulfill her desires and facilitate other young women’s transformation.  To also save money in her bank accounts as a form of deep self-love.  Work with a Money Coach to receive more abundance into her life.

LOVE:  To love herself deeply in every moment and allow her man to deeply love and care for her and hold space for her.  To marry her husband in a beautiful and wildly intimate wedding and have a happy, joyful marriage. 

SEX/DESIRE:  To own her sexuality and let herself move on her own pace in her sexual exploration and journey.  Work with the jade egg more and have deep, fulfilling sex.

HOME:  To love and enjoy her place and appreciate where she is living and see it as deep abundance being reflected in her life.

HEALTH (Spiritual, Emotional, Physical):  Emotionally take care of herself.  Allow herself to feel all her emotions and process them, no matter how intense or raw.  Spiritually, connect to her self through the practice of meditation.  Physically, love her body and embrace her inner seductress and take care and heal her foot so she can exercise and wear high heels and be more sexually active.

CREATIVE IDEAS:  Implement her creative ideas.  Allow herself to be seen and fully expressed through her creative visions and Wildly Intimate business.

CAREER/JOB: Fully appreciate her job and her team and managers.  To feel joy even in tasks that she doesn’t necessarily want to do.  To be fully present in her job and create space for her Wildly Intimate business to prosper at the same time. 

FAMILY/FRIENDS: Make time for her friends and family.  Spend time with her family on Sunday’s and be more emotionally intimate with them.  Share her feelings with them.  Allow herself to be vulnerable with her family and friends, and yet at the same time honor her boundaries and space.

SELF-CARE:  Take care of herself on a deep level on a daily basis and not wait until her inner wells aren’t filled up.  To constantly fill her inner well up so she is overflowing with joy and happiness and can manifest magically and embody her Wildly Intimate Woman more deeply.  This means taking relaxing baths, eating healthy (even eating “junk food” sometimes if her body craves it and not judging herself), napping, watching television and movies, reading, hiking, being in nature, exercising, dressing sexily, dancing, journaling, writing, massages, and being present with her family and friends.

Thank you so much for joining me on this Wildly Intimate Deep Self-Inquiry and Exploration.  This officially completes this experience.  I can’t believe how much I’ve enjoyed this journey and exploration and I truly appreciate your support throughout.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka

 

 

Image source: www.sonesence.com

By |2017-03-05T12:05:17+00:00March 5th, 2017|Desire, Ramblings, Transformation|0 Comments

Deep Self-Inquiry on Connecting to My Wildly Intimate Woman: 9. Erotic Woman

This is easily one of my favorite pillars.  I’ve worked on my sexuality a lot last year because I now

Connecting to My Erotic Woman

Connecting to My Erotic Woman

understand the connection between sexuality with emotional health and financial flow.  It’s part of who I am as a woman and self-expression of my divine feminine energy.  I must confess despite having this realization, I’ve faced resistance on working on this pillar. 

Connecting to my erotic woman meant that I had to be seen.  It meant the vulnerability of visibility.  And I cried about this.  I spent about two weeks to delve deeper on my erotic woman.  On my sexuality.

Focus On the Journey, Not the Destination in Pleasure

I took it upon me to practice self-pleasure in these two weeks.  To not only relieve myself of stress, but to love my body deeply through this practice.

During self-pleasure, I usually focused on my orgasm.  The end result.  What I have discovered is exploring my body and what pleasures my body most.  The process and journey is more fulfilling.  I feel softer and more vulnerable, yet deeply bold, naughty, and sexier.

I felt fulfilled in my self-pleasure practice when I changed my approach.  It felt natural and organic and I actually didn’t think much about how my body looked or felt conscious.  I felt whole and embraced by me.

There are two things I noticed specifically:

1. A daily self-pleasure practice routine is important to my womanhood, radiance, and inner light.

2. Be whole and fulfilled and see my man/partner as whole and fulfilled as well in daily and private life together.

Connecting to My Erotic Woman

I lay on my sofa, closed my eyes, and listened to a sensual track to meditate and visualize my Erotic Woman.  After doing a meditation of my erotic woman, she is the woman who has long, luscious curly hair.  She is the woman who relishes in both her softness and boldness.  She is fierce and yet deeply emotional and sensitive.

Here is the track I listened to in order to let my Erotic Woman come to me:

She wore stockings, garter belt, panties, and a sexy top. All black. At one point, my hair was delicately tied up in a bun. Another time, it was falling loosely on my shoulders. My ears were adorned with sparkly diamond gold-ish earrings.

My coffee brown complexion and glossy pink lips glowed.  My kohl lined eyes sparkled with love, purity, and sensuality.  I felt happy and sexy and yet nervous.  I felt fragile like porcelain glass and exquisitely beautiful.  The energy in my heart and body flowed naturally and openly.  I walked towards the bed and stood there.

I saw a man waiting for me there.  A familiar face.  I allowed him to see me.  To receive my energy.  I accepted and embraced the vulnerability of being visible.  And received his energy.

She was this Queen and Diva.  And then I opened my eyes in shock because that woman is me.  I’ve never given myself permission to be her.  In my daily life, personal relationships, and romance, I’ve never been or saw myself as the Queen and Diva.  Some tears fell.  I asked myself: How would others and my partner/Beloved see me as a Queen if I don’t see myself as one?

I’ve always had the princess vibe where I exude immense softness and innocence.  I come across innocent and playful even though I’m thirty now.  It’s something men find attractive about me I’ve noticed consistently.

But now I want to tap into my queen-like regal sexuality and sensual energy.  I want to express my sovereignty and boundaries and play with my wild naughty, dangerous energy.  Lean out of my good girl image and take sovereignty.

I wrapped up this meditation/visualization exercise by dressing up like my Erotic Woman in my vision.  I drove all the way to Palo Alto to buy a garter belt and came home to make myself pasta and drank white wine.  Afterwards, I dressed up in all black lingerie with my new garter belt included and wore diamond earrings.  Sprayed perfume on myself.  Applied smoky sexy makeup on my face.

I turned off all the lights and lit candles everywhere.  I walked and moved my body like the Queen I was.  I danced.  I cried a lot to be honest.  I’ve never felt this way all my life in regards to my sexuality.

If you’re interested, here is the track I moved my body to that exuded my Diva energy:

I also took two photos of myself.  One where I found myself looking gorgeous and another where I found many flaws in my body and self.  I wrote letters to me in both photos and practiced loving all of me, including my flaws.

Here are the questions I journaled to in this pillar:

DO:  What would I love to explore, but I’m so scared of?  Journal about this.  What is your vision of your erotic woman?  What are the actions in your vision of your erotic woman?  What is she doing and wearing?  How is she feeling?  Embody and activate your Wildly Intimate Erotic Woman.

Take a photo of yourself, preferably one where you look beautiful and one that you don’t feel you look so pretty.  Write a love letter/note to yourself in both photos if you can.  This is about loving yourself deeply at your best and even not at your best.

Embodying and Activating My Inner Queen and Diva

A major learning I gained from this experience was that embodying and activating my Wildly Intimate Erotic Woman meant connecting to my soul and letting all my emotional strength, vulnerability, confidence, and sensuality flow out of me like water.  To be her every moment and exude her in my eyes and body language.  To even dress like her.  To exude my Erotic Woman’s energy moment to moment in my daily life.

I felt so whole and at peace with my body.  I’ve generally not felt comfortable during romantic moments with my partner sometimes because I didn’t fully love my body.  I realized that my body and sexuality is not just a gift for him, but for me, too.

In learning more about myself and exploring my sexuality with myself or my partner, I had to allow myself to be seen and vulnerable.  And even more importantly, I learned that I must lean into him for his love and guidance and allow him to support me in my sexuality.

The tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on Pillar 9 Erotic Woman:

The Mind (mental intelligence):  Observing how my mind played out all sorts of thoughts and beliefs about my sexuality.  Feeling resistance and actually noticing every thought with striking clarity and making a conscious decision to replace it with a thought that affirms my new belief of being a Queen and loving myself and my sexuality.

The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom):  Meditating to the musical tracks to visualize and let my Erotic Woman come to me.  I danced and moved my body also and dressed up in the black lingerie and garter belt just like my Queen-like Erotic Woman in my vision.

The Heart (emotional intelligence):  Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned.  Feeling all the emotions fully that I felt arise in this pillar – happiness, joy, sadness, fear, nervousness.

The Soul (higher self/spirit):  Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me.  This week, I learned that I am a Queen and Diva and it is my duty and soul’s deepest desire to be one and treat myself in this way.  This will reflect in my external world and my relationship with my partner/Beloved.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka

 

 

Image source: intimately-sexy.tumblr.com

By |2017-02-19T11:33:05+00:00February 19th, 2017|Desire, Ramblings, Transformation|1 Comment

Deep Self-Inquiry on Connecting to My Wildly Intimate Woman: 8. Intuition

I have always felt that intuition was a deep inner nudge and tug that pulled me towards something or someone.  It was an inner feeling as light as a feather that brushed against my skin.  My subconscious and soul know the pull behind this feeling. 

You know how as you let a feather continue to brush against your skin, the feeling becomes more tingly, more intense, and stronger.  That’s how your intuition is.  I let this inner feeling and pulling marinate and allow it come to me with more guidance and information.

Strengthening your intuition allows you to act on your impulse and inner desires.

Strengthening your intuition allows you to act on your impulse and inner desires.

What I realized after focusing on intuition all of last week is that the only way to strengthen my relationship with my intuition is by acting upon my inner guidance and taking action.

I started small: What do I really want for breakfast?  Is that what I deeply desire for breakfast?  Do I want to go to bed or stay up?  I dived deep into my body to find the answer.  I also did aimless driving and walking and I noticed it really helped my intuition speak to me.  

What I also realized was I needed to be comfortable to move out of my comfort zone when seeing what guidance my heart could offer me and most of all, that I didn’t need to know the answer 100%.  I just needed to know what I had to do or know at that very moment.  That’s all.

What is It Like to Act On My Impulse?

When I acted on my impulse to move my body and dance or do something like cleaning, organizing, etc. to get my body’s energy moving and vibrating, I received wisdom and guidance from my soul and heart through my body.  It’s like this subtle bubble of feeling and guidance coming to me.

Other times, I just wanted to be still and have my quiet time.  During such times, I truly felt my emotions come out and wash over me.  Once the emotion was felt in my body, I felt lighter and I became a lighter, more clear channel for my guidance and good to flow to me.

I felt two specific ways when I acted on my impulse: effortless and at ease.  It was like I absolutely had to do follow my intuition and it was a beautiful, light feeling.

The other way I felt when I needed to follow my intuition was it felt scary and uncomfortable and like my soul was compelling me to do something or take an action because I needed the learning to fulfill my higher self’s purpose and receive the wisdom. 

Yet whether I felt uncomfortable or beautifully guided and light, both times it was absolutely right for me even if I didn’t know at the time consciously (my soul, heart, and body already knew and I felt this subconsciously).

Through this experiment, it dawned on me that when I did’t act on my impulse and intuition, I didn’t feel complete, whole, nervous, and not aligned.

Using My Intuition In My Daily Life

I’ve used my intuition often in my daily life on what to eat and what items of food to select at the grocery store and restaurants.  I’ve also turned inwards on which candidates to speak with at work or who I decide to work with as my coach.  In fact, I use my intuition a lot when it comes to my career.

In relationships, I’ve always use it in the initial stage when I desired to express my true feelings or reach out to someone I like.

Going Beyond My Comfort Zone

Tapping into my intuition is about having the pure courage and strength to listen to it wholly even when it feels deeply uncomfortable.  I’d like to listen to my heart’s whispers even more consistently when it comes to my personal life and romantic relationship and even money.

All in all, intuition requires great trust and surrender from myself.  This way, I can receive the guidance I need to expand and grow in my life even when I have no idea how the process unfolds.  To stay deeply centered and in the present moment and live in the unknown with peace and calmness.  

I journaled to the following questions:

DO:  Allow yourself to have your sacred space and silence.  Notice your impulse.  What is it like to act on your impulse or not act on it?  How have you used your intuition in your daily life and important areas like career, relationships, etc.?  How can you take your intuition beyond your comfort zone?

The tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on Pillar 8 Intuition:

The Mind (mental intelligence):  Observing how my mind relayed my soul and higher self’s wisdom and intuition.

The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom):  I learned to feel my intuition’s magical nudges and guidance through moving my body through exercise, dance, or even simply doing simple things like aimless driving or walking, cooking, etc.

The Heart (emotional intelligence):  Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned.

The Soul (higher self/spirit):  Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me.  This week, I learned my intuition often serves a higher purpose for my soul’s expansion and growth and it provides me with inner guidance to realize my heart’s authentic desires.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka

 

Image source: oraclefox.com

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By |2017-01-25T10:23:51+00:00January 25th, 2017|Ramblings, Transformation|1 Comment

Deep Self-Inquiry on Connecting to My Wildly Intimate Woman: 7. Romance

When you think of romance, you think of romance in a relationship or partnership or dating.  You think of how a man treats you and lavishes you with attention, affection, warmth, and his time is what romance is about.  The flowers, candle lit dinners, vacations together, etc.

Romance is about Loving Yourself Deeply, Intimately, Sexily, and Sensually

Romance is about Loving Yourself Deeply, Intimately, Sexily, and Sensually

Yet romance is more than that.  It definitely encompasses all this, yet more than that.  It’s about being in this state of feeling and embodying it daily in your day to day life.  It’s a way of life and how you treat yourself.

Often, how you romance and love yourself is directly correlated to how you feel and how a man or partner and others treat and feel about you. 

Pillar 7 is all about romance and it’s what I focused on recently.  I literally romanced myself for a week or two and let myself soak in the energy of romance.  Being a Taurean, I’m naturally very romantic.

I showered myself with a lot of attention and warmth.  I got myself my favorite roses, cooked myself delicious meals, played with my humor and lightness of spirit, danced, self-pleasured, slept, relaxed, and more.

I got myself new dresses for the new year and dressed nicely and sexily for no reason really, only to shine in my skin comfortably.  In the mornings, I adorned myself with jewelry.  At home in the evenings, I wore lacy dresses and spent time with myself.  I even walked around naked or with very little clothing on because I really love my body.  I never thought I would say that, yet this is now the truth.

I looked at myself in the mirror and was able to find beauty and sexiness within myself.  It’s not that I found myself perfect.  Rather, that I found perfection in my flaws and imperfections.  I found acceptance.

Romancing myself also allowed me to connect to my inner well of deep abundance and richness.  Yes, richness.  That’s the right word.  I felt rich during this divine process of romancing myself.  By rich, I don’t mean materialistically.  I felt rich like feeling fulfilled and filled up with love and sensuality and pleasure.

I came to the realization that this deep abundance and feeling of richness ultimately reflects in other areas of my life – like money, love, sex, pleasure, career, well-being.

When I completed this pillar, I sat down in my apartment and journaled to the following questions.

DO:  How can you feel more romance starting now?  What can you do to romance yourself beautifully, sexily, and sensually?  How did you feel when you romanced yourself?  Did it bring up a bundle of emotions?  How can you incorporate this into your life more?

Another huge realization I had was that romance is the act of loving myself and someone else deeply, intimately, sensually, and sexily.  It is about creating a luscious, divine atmosphere where I am showered with attention, affection, pleasure, warmth, and time.

The process felt very effortless because I was just being me.  I felt I was filling myself with a deep sea and ocean of love and pleasure and sexual energy.  I found myself lovely, delightful, sexy, hot, and a Goddess 😉

I had this deep feeling of surrender, love excitement, mystery, and intrigue for my own life and self.  It did bring up a bundle of emotions at times and I felt vulnerable because I wasn’t used to treating myself this special and beautifully. 

I have a much greater sense of self-worth now and this pillar was eye-opening because it was now in motion and in practice of being a high value woman.  I smiled for no reason throughout this pillar and truly romance is both simplicity and grand acts and gestures of love and affection.

I made a pact to myself that I can incorporate more romance into my life by doing these romantic, sweet things for myself daily everyday.  I can create and carve out time for my schedule.  Perhaps have a day each week devoted to romancing myself.

The next pillar is Intuition and I’m excited about writing about this for the next post.  For now, have a beautiful week ahead 🙂

The tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on Pillar 7 Romance:

The Mind (mental intelligence):  Observing my thoughts and belief system on romancing myself and how much romance I felt worthy and deserving of.  I also reflected on how romance fits into an intimate partnership and relationship.

The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom):  I learned to feel romance and love deep in my body and feeling so wildly intimate with myself that I felt this richness, intrigue, and mystery for my own self and life.  I also slept, napped, self-pleasured, ate joyfully, danced and more.  Romancing myself felt wild, breezy, easy, loving, gentle, and sexy all combined.

The Heart (emotional intelligence):  Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned.

The Soul (higher self/spirit):  Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me.  This week, I learned romancing oneself is mandatory in order to feel fulfilled and filled up and how it reflects in an intimate partnership and relationship.  I also noticed the connection of romance to receiving and transmitting.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka

 

Image source: annsliees.com

By |2017-01-15T07:00:59+00:00January 15th, 2017|Desire, Ramblings, Transformation|0 Comments

Reflections from 2016 – My Year of Unraveling, Deep Surrender, Lessons (+ How I Am Preparing for 2017)

Priyanka Yadvendu: Reflections and Lessons from a Wildly Intimate Woman

Priyanka Yadvendu: Reflections and Lessons from a Wildly Intimate Woman

I can’t believe 2017 is here!  I can’t believe 2016 is complete.  Every year, I feel the same thing.  Yet this year wasn’t fast enough as previous ones.  In fact, it went slowly at times.  It was a confronting year.  It was a difficult, “in my face” kind of year.

I had an inner stirring that this year was going to be eye-opening and transformative, though I had no idea in what ways and how.  I’m so, so, so proud of my transformation and now I realize why it had to happen.  Though as everything was “happening” and unraveling, it certainly didn’t feel that way.

I didn’t have the iron clad hold to everything and everyone that I clung to.  Every time, I felt I was finally in control and things were happening the way I wanted it to, something would occur and just let that reality turn to dust.  It was difficult.  It was painful.  I cried most nights truthfully.  I couldn’t understand why and what was happening.

Revisiting My Past

I started the year being made permanent full-time employee at my current company.  I was really happy about this because I enjoy working at my company and team.  It also meant I would receive benefits and higher compensation.  Major win!

I also started the year having arguments and back and forth type exchanges with men.  It would feel I went one step forward and then two steps back.  It was painful.  I stopped dating around March because I realized I couldn’t emotionally and mentally handle it.  I was also living at home with my parents at this time at our Fremont house.

I also had several emotional breakdowns and outbursts.  It was confronting and scary for my family to witness.  When you’re going through such times, it’s not candy floss and pleasant for your family and loved ones to see you going through this.  

My closest friends didn’t understand what was happening to me.  I slowly withdrew from them and literally didn’t have the energy or desire to maintain my friendships and relationships with them.  It’s not that I felt good about this, but I felt no desire to even maintain a relationship with myself.

I had to move slowly in order to comb through every single area of my life and let go and release everything and everyone, and more importantly, my belief system and patterns.  I contacted several men with whom I had some kind of romantic past/liaison and who specifically made a huge impact on my life and had caused me to grow significantly.  I met with them and had conversations in person.

It was nice to meet with them and also deeply emotional.  I could understand why things hadn’t fallen into place for us and helped me become more humble and see them as sensitive, fragile, masculine, wonderful men with their own flaws just as I had mine.  I let go of the pain and anger.  I topped this all off by journaling the experiences and writing letters to them that I never sent them and burned, where I said ALL I had to say literally.

These experiences left me feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.  Please keep in mind I paced this out and really went with the flow and followed my inner guidance.  I didn’t meet them all at once.  I wouldn’t be able to have energy for a week or two after an experience and drag myself to work.  Yet I could feel my soul opening.  I could feel light entering in me.  I felt lighter and incredibly free.

Releasing Past Baggage and Healing Old Wounds

I now understand why I had to move back in with my parents.  I had to face all that I had been avoiding with my family and especially myself.  I had been in a long-term relationship with a man older than me who I had fallen deeply in love with and this was really the most significant relationship romantically I had to come to terms with.

As it unraveled, I unraveled.  My ego had to unravel so the layers could fall away one by one to reveal the real me.  The true Priyanka.

I hid this relationship and several secrets from my family and especially from myself.  One by one, they all tumbled out to my family.  Sometimes, from a place of love and deliberate conscious decision-making, other times, from a place of sheer anger and frustration and pain and not by choice.

When it didn’t happen by conscious choice and I would try to keep something in, my soul literally wouldn’t let me.  It would just all come tumbling out.  My family was definitely shocked.  It’s like they didn’t know their daughter.

Ultimately though, it made me feel so much more liberated and in touch with my emotions and intimate and closer to myself and my family.  I’m not saying this freeing feeling and intimacy was easy to get to, though it was necessary and made me feel lighter.

Throughout this time, I was also working with a female embodiment coach and I’m very happy I made this decision because this was supportive and nourishing to me as I went through this part of my life.

Family Moving from Our Family House

In 2016, my family made the life-changing decision to move from our Fremont home.  The time had finally come for this decision to be made and we all made peace with it.  We were truly looking forward to the next chapter of our lives.

Though when it actually happened, it brought up my ego, anger, and pain, as well as everyone else’s in my family.  We had lived in that house for nearly 25 years.  I and my siblings spent our childhood there and many, many beautiful memories and happy times were created there.  My parents built our house from scratch to the magnificent structure it became.

We became very emotional and vulnerable in letting go and releasing this part of our lives.  Tears were shed and sweet, gentle, sensitive, angry, painful words were said.  Through everything though, we became closer and ultimately became stronger.

My family bought a new beautiful home that is perfect for us today and I must say I feel so much peace and happiness in our new home and my soul sensed the moment it laid eyes on it (before it was ours even) that this is the perfect home for me and my family for where we are in our lives today.  It was going to birth more beautiful times and happy memories and I told my parents their grandchildren would all be playing here.

What about My Debut Novel, Enchanted Silence?

I haven’t spoken much about my debut novel, Enchanted Silence, because my plan of how this novel would become a reality didn’t occur quite the way I anticipated.  As you may know, I had signed with a literary agent and she was my literary agent for nearly two years.

Signing with a literary agent was one of the happiest moments in my life.  I still can’t believe it happened really.  I felt deeply grateful for this as I know it’s not easy for this to occur.

When it was time for my novel to be presented to publishers and I submitted my final draft of my book with all my revisions to my literary agent, I unexpectedly heard from her that she was releasing me from our agreement and contract.

She wasn’t sure how feasible my novel with its cultural and other elements would be in today’s market and the time that I had signed with her was now very different from the publishing climate today.  It was a purely professional decision and I respected that.

It didn’t mean that I wasn’t shocked.  I was also sad and hurt.  With life and the Universe.  We parted ways amicably and wished each other the best in our paths moving forward.  I didn’t really know what to do next with the book, so I just let it sit on my computer for some time, until I decided to self-publish it.

I’m deeply thankful to my friends and strangers who’ve been buying the book and posting reviews.  It was a huge learning experience self-publishing and I learned to go with the flow and really own my novel as it’s directly from my own life experience.

It also led me to work with another coach.  Once I completed working with the female embodiment coach on my personal life and I felt happier and healthier and more intimate with my being, I worked with a creative transformation coach.  Another life-changing experience.  

In another post, I’ll dive into more detail.  All I’ll say for now is it was magical, transformative, edgy, and scary in a good way and pushed myself from my comfort zone tremendously and gave me the courage to be deeply vulnerable and seen in my creative work.

Here is my novel Enchanted Silence on Amazon if you’d like to grab a copy: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01FQ75XM6

Moving Forward in 2017 

In short, what I have learned from this year is that it is time to evolve and expand.  Move forward to the next phase and level of life by releasing and letting go and making peace with the past and learning the lessons and wisdom to invite the greatness and miracles and magic that life wants to bestow upon me.

I have an inkling of where life wants to take me now.  I don’t know the full plan, though I don’t need to know anymore.  I no longer have a desire to be in “control.”  All of my ego and fears have evaporated.  My beliefs have been upgraded.

I believe with every fiber of my being that I deserve and am worthy of so much beauty, abundance, and magic in my life.  I feel lighter now and more connected to my deep truth and who I am as a person.  I feel my soul has been activated and I’m now on the right path.

I have decided that for 2017 I have only two areas I’ll be focusing on: Money and Personal Life (Love/Marriage).  I’ve signed up to work with a money coach so I can become intimate with the divine, sacred energy that is MONEY.  It is a five month journey and I’m really excited to be working with her.  I have a feeling this is going to be powerful.  I’ll keep you updated.

The other area is my personal life.  For far many years, I’ve pushed my personal life to the sidelines.  Not anymore.  I am a deeply emotional person who craves and absolutely needs and desires intimacy and closeness in my relationships, especially with my partner.  I feel marriage and partnership is the next step of my soul’s evolution and expansion.

I’ve bought several books to learn more about marriage and how to have a happy marriage and overall really learning more about myself throughout the process.  I intend to be more honest, sensual, vulnerable, playful, and present with my partner.

I’m also working with guiding words for the first time ever.  It’s a way to decide on a word or couple of words that guide your year and manifest your life and experiences you desire to create during the year.  Through reflection and feeling, I have come to the conclusion that I desire to have more experiences and life filled with: ABUNDANCE, RICHNESS, MAGIC, SEXINESS, INTUITION

I’m joining a workshop next week learning from the beautiful Vienda Maria on how to do this.  Here’s the link if you’d like to join as well: http://viendamaria.com/2016/12/free-video-workshop-think-manifesting-intuition-planning-for-creating-the-best-year-imaginable-wednesday-11-2017/

Thank You!

All in all, thank you so much for your support, kindness, gentleness, and attention throughout 2016.  It’s a big part of what helped me get through and move forward.  I’m excited to see what 2017 brings to me and to you.  Happy New Year! ❤

Lots of Love,

Priyanka Yadvendu

By |2017-01-07T08:00:33+00:00January 7th, 2017|Life Lessons, Ramblings, Transformation|0 Comments

Deep Self-Inquiry on Connecting to My Wildly Intimate Woman: 6. Transmit

Two weeks ago, I focused on the art of receiving and to understand what I’m receiving and how I was receiving.  I noticed where and what areas my energy flowed smoothly like water.  I also noticed with striking clarity the areas of my life where it didn’t flow so well.  Where I was not as open to the desires and feelings I want to have and receive in my life.

Transmit: Part of the Divine Flow of Energy and Receiving

Transmit: Part of the Divine Flow of Energy and Receiving

This is why I spent about two weeks on the energy of transmitting.  Receiving and transmitting are both part of the same spectrum and energy flow.

This receiving and transmitting is a divine flow of energy.  I noticed with striking clarity what I transmitted to the world and what I was receiving in turn.

This experience made me crystal clear and super sensitive and conscious what I was transmitting every moment.  I’ll give you an example in the realm of money.  I’ve been making a ritual out of looking at my bank account.  I buy myself flowers the days I receive my salary and consciously look at my bank account with love and kindness.

Suddenly, it came to me in an instant how I never feel good about my phone bill.  I did it so automatically for years that I didn’t even realize I don’t express love for how my phone is taken care of every month.  I take it for granted.

There were many instances that I felt this in other areas of my life.  These are the areas I realized where I need to clean up the energy so the exchange of transmitting and receiving flows more smoothly.

The Areas I Need to Clean Up My Energy

LOVE/ROMANCE

I need to clean up my energy in my romantic and love life by holding out space for what’s truly right for me and keeping the sacred space for marriage to occur.  Also, to understand and feel whether I’d rather be happy than right in my relationship and marriage.

I’ve been holding onto grudges and allowing my ego to get in the way of my relationship.  By paying close attention to what I was transmitting, it became crystal clear how I transmitted more energy to to prove I’m right rather than come from a place of love and to a real solution with him that serves our partnership.

Also, I desire to feel and be actually happy and joyful for my friends and people I know in happy, fulfilling relationships and marriages.

MONEY

I can also clean up my energy around money and let go of my previous experiences that didn’t serve me, when I felt money wasn’t supporting me.  I realized I need to upgrade my belief system significantly and release old stories so I can receive large sums of money with ease and joy.

I want to allow in experiences that honor the energy that is money and to help me serve the Universe through it and serve my own needs and desires as well.

I also intend to clean up the energy around my credit card and save more money as an act of deep self-love and nurturing for my highest and best interest.  To feel more joy for my bank accounts and the money in there.  So a clear action step is to now take care of my credit card and clean up the energy here because I’ve been avoiding it for some time.

BODY/SEXUALITY & NOURISHMENT

I also want to clean up the energy around my body and the image I have of my own body.  I don’t always feel beautiful and fit.  On the weekend, I bought two dresses for myself.  I tried them on and I felt sexy and gorgeous.  When I got home, I tried them on again and I found myself criticizing my body.

I went to the gym immediately to work out.  It’s not that going to the gym is not a good thing.  What I noticed was I went to the gym from a place of fear and insecurity.  I was in pushing and striving mode, instead of going to the gym to honor and respect my body through exercise.

I also want to place more attention on my nutrition and exercise so I can nourish my body in the way that feels right and unique to me.  Only me 🙂

Another important aspect of my being I want to work on is my sexuality.  I want to clean up my energy around my sexuality so I can embrace and honor my sexuality and in turn, have safe, loving, healthy, beautiful, and expressive sex with my partner.

CREATIVITY/CAREER

I also want my energy to flow better in my true gifts and healing brilliance and have the foundation and prosper in my creative transformation business.

This one is still in process and my next action step that became clear in this experiment of focusing on transmitting was to show love and gentleness for myself and feel a high sense of worth to express my gifts and be seen more in my life and business.

Create a Beautiful Ritual that Releases Your Beliefs & Cleans Your Energy on What Holds You Back

I identified all the areas I needed to clean up my energy and became aware of what I was transmitting and more importantly, what I needed to transmit in order to have these areas of my life flourish and flow by journaling to the following questions:

DO: Notice EVERYTHING you are transmitting.  Both good and otherwise.  Make a list of all that you are transmitting.  Where can you clean up your energy?  How can your energy flow better?  Do a ritual that helps you to cleanse your energy by releasing your beliefs and what holds you back from this graceful flow and exchange of energy in receiving and transmitting.

I had this journaling session as a beautiful ritual where I treated myself to a delicious cheese pizza and peach herbal tea and ate to sexy, healing music playing in the background.  I lit candles that glowed as I ate and journaled.

After completing my journaling, I extended the session by exploring my sexuality and delighted myself in this exploration.  And then I wrapped up the whole ritual by rubbing coconut oil all over my body and relaxed in the stillness and candles lit in the darkness with my eyes closed.  It was so, so, so deeply healing and loving!

And then it came to me: I most need to release all that is no longer serving me lovingly and gracefully and forgive myself for my experiences where I wasn’t acting in my best interest.  I need to feel that sense of deep worth that yes, I am ready and can receive deep, luxurious abundance into my life in all its forms and for that, I’ll transmit my energy in a pure, loving way in my actions, thoughts, and most of all, intentions.

The tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on Pillar 6 Transmit:

The Mind (mental intelligence):  Observing my thoughts and belief system on the flow of energy on receiving and transmitting and how this created my desires and life.

The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom):  I nourished my body with healthy foods and smoothies.  I relaxed deeply during Christmas and spent loving time with my family.  I explored my sexuality and loved my body and exercised. 

The Heart (emotional intelligence):  Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned and also making the list of all that I was transmitting, including EVERYTHING, both good and otherwise.  Created a beautiful ritual out of this journaling session.

The Soul (higher self/spirit):  Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me.  In this week, it was that my higher self wanted to clean up my energy in several areas of my life and actually take concrete, clear action steps so these areas can flourish and flow.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka

 

Image source: beautiful people

By |2016-12-29T08:07:15+00:00December 29th, 2016|Desire, Transformation|0 Comments

Deep Self-Inquiry on Connecting to My Wildly Intimate Woman: 5. Receive

Confusion filled this week.  For the most part, I knew why I felt confused and reflective.  It was end of the year and I still hadn’t received answers to some of my questions in my life.  There was this other part of me that soothed and showed up for myself big time.  I felt deep surrender and calmness when I made peace with the confusion and unknown.

Receive with grace and ease.

Receive with grace and ease.

There were things that sudden came at me I hadn’t expected.  My higher self must have known though.  Because how I would have normally responded didn’t occur this time.  I knew I had finally learnt and mastered the golden learning with my response.  I knew that I was beginning to shed and reveal the new Priyanka.

So it is definitely interesting this week has coincided with Pillar 5: RECEIVE.  I love receiving.  It makes me feel sexy, sensual, and powerful.

As a woman, we are natural receivers.  We are constantly receiving attention, love, pleasure, work, emotions, money, etc.  To fulfill your desires, you must open yourself up to receiving your desire. 

How do you receive your desire?  Simple!  We are always manifesting.  Our thoughts ultimately form our actions and create our reality.  Become clear about your desire, clearing blocks, and clean and create energetic space.  Because how would more money, love, abundance, or whatever you desire come when you don’t create space for it.

Besides increasing my ability to receive this week, I noticed EVERYTHING I was receiving.  Like LITERALLY.  Both good and otherwise.  I made a list of it.

Here is my taste of my list:

Sacred Money, Love, Sensuality, Food, Wine, Sexual Energy, Orgasms, Fear, Work, Nervousness, Tenderness, Support, Kindness, Compassion, Dreams, Physical Exercise, Hunger, Tiredness, Anger, Peace, Jealousy, Ego, Sensitivity, Touch, Alluring Music, Attention, Vulnerability, Family, Self-Respect, Health, Heat, Space, Conversations, Coldness, Lingerie, Softness, Sadness, Confusion Pleasure, Happiness, Memories, Compliments, Desire.

At the end of the week, when I read my list, I was happy that I had turned up the volume on receiving money, compliments, pleasure, and love had greatly increased.  I also noticed that I didn’t receive relaxation so easily and instead drew in work more easily.  It’s as if I felt guilty when I wasn’t busy or working.

This is something that I want to work on.  I want to feel my money and all channels and sources of both expected and unexpected income to flow to me more easily and gracefully with a balance of effort and energy from me.

I also picked a specific belief I have around receiving and work on releasing this belief.  This can be anything from I want to receive love with ease to I receive large of sums of money happily.

The current theme running in my life is marriage and partnership.  It is something I deeply, deeply desire in my life.  I desire to share my life with my partner from a place of truth, love, and abundance.  I can feel that though the inner depths of my body tells me this is the next phase of my life, there are some blocks around receiving marriage and this is why it hasn’t happened yet.  

Being guided by my higher self, I tore a sheet of paper from my journal and lit a candle.  (I love lighting candles when journaling and playing music that suits my mood at the time)

I made a ritual of this.  I wrote on the paper with the beautiful, luminous candle light flowing onto my skin and paper:  I receive my husband and our marriage with grace, ease, love, and happiness.  I wrote this in the present tense because I want my subconscious mind to accept this seed of desire and realize in its own divine way.

*Quick note: don’t write your desires or affirmations in the future tense because otherwise they will stay in the future tense.  ALWAYS write and speak them in the present tense.*

I also wrote that I release all and everything to create space for my husband and marriage.  I close my eyes and let the words sink into my body.  An electric feeling pulsed through my body.  Some sensations and images dropped into my mind.  I couldn’t make them exactly, but I felt the sensations fully.

I opened my eyes and burned the paper using my candle and watch the paper fade away.  There was something intensely alluring, sexy, and beautiful about this ritual.  I then journaled to this afterwards:

DO: How does it make you feel when you receive a compliment, pleasure, money, etc.?  How can you make receiving an easier process that flows with grace and ease?

I wrote for some time and one of the main sentences that stood out to me was: Get out of my own way.

The tools and practices I used to embody my intention and focus on Pillar 5 Receive:

The Mind (mental intelligence):  Observing my thoughts and beliefs around receiving all that I received this week and around receiving marriage.  I realized that I need to have a more positive view of marriage and relationships and believe that it’s possible to have a happy, fulfilling marriage by first having a happy, fulfilling relationship with myself.

The Body (instinctual intelligence/body wisdom):  Truthfully, I didn’t do much body work in this pillar.  I largely napped a lot and ensured I nourished my body with healthy foods and ate on time and slept on time.  I took hot showers because they have a calming, healing effect on me.

The Heart (emotional intelligence):  Journaling about the questions earlier I mentioned and also making the list of all that I was receiving, including EVERYTHING, both good and otherwise.  Writing my belief around receiving specifically on receiving my husband and marriage and burning the paper as a beautiful, divine ritual.

The Soul (higher self/spirit):  Understanding what my higher self wants to lead and teach me.  In this week, it was that my higher self wanted to lead me to the next phase of my life by guiding me how to receive my husband and marriage with ease and grace and flow.

Lots of Love,

Priyanka

 

Image source: foursquare.com

By |2016-12-13T21:02:05+00:00December 13th, 2016|Desire, Ramblings, Transformation|0 Comments
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